49. Not the easiest

Day: August 31, 2011

Song: Diamond Dave, by Bird and the Bee

Meal: California Roll

Admission: I am so SLEEPY!  Today was full-- long, enjoyable, stressful... tiring. Slept in later than usual and had to head out to LA not long after with the mom. We checked out apartment number 1, in Palms, which would be super close to my work, and stuck around just to be polite; suffice it to say it was a tiny bit sketch. I had my mom drive me my old Smuggler route to see the houses on Lucerne on our way to Larchmont for lunch. She was awestruck by how pretty and peaceful the neighborhood was, two things you don't think of when thinking LA. At Larchmont Bungalow we had a yummy egg dish and I had fresh squeezed Lemonade. Yum! The next two apartments were, contrary to what we were promised, locked and unable for viewing, so that was stupid. We decided to take a break and head to the Grove to check to see if the Anthro there had the dishes I wanted to get. They didn't, naturally, so I comforted myself by buying a few pretty knob things, because I've always loved them and even though I don't really have any use for them they rock, ok? We waited out the rest of the worst of rush hour by having a glass of wine, and then headed to the last apartment over on Olympic. This place from the outside is precious--light yellow, covered in ivy, black and white awnings; but OF COURSE the woman who was supposed to show us "forgot" and wasn't there. I think this final annoyance might have what been what pushed me and my mom over the edge and we ended up taking it out on each other as we drove home. It wasn't fun because despite the hiccups of the day we remained in good spirits until now and it was just a bad note to end on. We both tried to make amends at dinner, and I think it's ok now.

I'm exhausted. I just want this search to be done now. 

Goodnight.

48. Why Not

Day: August 30, 2011

Song: Freak Out/Starry Eyes, by LCD Soundsystem

Meal: Mediterranean Shrimp Salad with Riesling Vinaigrette

Admission: Today was a bit of a doozy. Met with Alli at Primo for a bit which was nice because we both got to touch base as both of our lives are amping up in craziness and could really reiterate the importance of recovery to one another. It's always nice have a concrete reminder. A few hours later Russ arrived from LA; we had a Final Cut Pro lesson at Primo with large lattes as backup when all of a sudden it was almost three and we hadn't eaten lunch. We decided to drive out to wine country in Temecula for an insanely delicious meal and wine tasting at Faulkner Winery. There we had one of the deepest, most serious talks I've had in a long time; it was important and needed to happen. Ended the day at home with the mother for prosecco and pizza and Anthony Bourdain. Nothing could be better.

47. Productivity

Day: August 29, 2011

Song: You are a Tourist, Death Cab for Cutie

Meal: Shrimp Skewers with Lemon Aoli

Admission: When I think about today I kind of just sit back and think whoa holy cow I did a lot. I woke up at 6 and was unable to fall back asleep. My dad and I headed to Primo and fashioned out a two day itinerary for all the apartment viewings I have--half on Wednesday, half on Friday. Took advantage of the 295893 degree heat and hung out some laundry outside. Mailed Kitty her birthday gift, got shoes for the upcoming wedding this weekend; Then I got called into work, so I showered, ate, and flew like the wind down to Carlsbad. Work was ok, I was ringing and as such went relatively fast---

----- (I'd like to note that I passed out at this point last night writing this, woke up just now with my computer on my stomach) Anyway, after work, I met up with my parents to go meet Julie for my last appointment before LA. It was very emotional and kind of rough, I left feeling kind of wonky so I was glad that I had plans to meet up with Noah and Andrew at 3rd Corner for our traditional Monday wine night. I'm seriously going to miss those two, we always have the best conversation and I really do value their friendship. Night ended with a Zinger, courtesy of Noah. BAM!

46. Hap Hap Happy

Day: August 28, 2011

Song: My Girl, The Temptations

Meal: Amy's Cheeseless Vegetable Pizza

Admission: I slept in WAY late today! Parents woke me up at 9 and took me to coffee to hash out the apartment hunt we'll be doing this coming Friday. Then it was straight to work, which actually flew by as opposed to yesterday which seemed to drag on and on. When I got home my family had Major Market salsa (the best) and chips and frozen margaritas for an after work snack, and it was sitting out in the warm sunshine with them that I admitted that for the first time in a long time I am utterly and completely happy, and by being such I realize how truly blessed I am and how wonderful my life is, and how I am so lucky and so grateful. Sounds super cheesy, but it's so true. Spent the rest of the evening mapping out the apartment route we'll take on Friday, which just keeps adding to the all consuming giddyness and excitement I feel.

45. Mother Love

Day: August 27, 2011

Song: Up Up Up, by Givers

Meal: Chicken Salad Sandwich from Boudin

Admission: Today was all about mother daughter time. Mom took me to Urban and Anthro to capitalize on employee appreciation and score some new goodies for new job and apartment! We booked it to Boudin in  San Marcos for lunch, home of our absolute favorite sandwich, and then she dropped me off for work. Urban sort of dragged on for some reason, despite me being moved to a new spot every hour. It was nice to see my favs there though, those kids get me through the day. Mom picked me up at 7 and we went to dinner at Lotus in Encinitas. Ended the day with some champagne at home, and zonked out early.

44. HIP HIP HOORAY!!!!!!

Day: August 26, 2011

Song: Who Gon Stop Me, by Kanye West and Jay Z

Meal: Proscuitto, Arugula on Baguette Sandwich + Perrier

Admission: Well today is a day for the history books. First of all, I was approximately 4 hours EARLY to my interview... I couldn't sleep and left Lauras at 5:30, when even LA is traffic free. So after driving around drinking a lot of coffee and OJ I finally had my second interview. I was so nervous and couldn't really read my interviewer; he seemed so nice and so chill, but I couldn't tell if he liked me even in the slightest. I left feeling unsure and in many ways unsatisfied. After my interview I went back up to Hollywood to look at an apartment which ended up being pretty nice. Then it was back home; only moments later did I receive a call from The Sweet Shop offering me the position. I was simultaneously stunned, giddy, and overwhelmed. I've been on cloud 9 ever since. The people, the office, the content they producer, I couldn't ask for anything better. I can not express how unbelievably excited and terrified I am.

It's big girl time.

43. Beachside

Day: August 25, 2011

Song:  Mariachi

Meal: Bratwurst with Roasted Peppers and Onions + Strawberry Margarita

Admission: I've really taken to the philosophy that you must capitalize on every chance and every moment you are presented with in each day, because life really is so fragile it's not worth it to push aside and wait till later. After work today I decided to go up to Huntington Beach for Matt's BBQ since he's only home from Boston for a week; then I'd stay with Laura and be that much closer to my interview tomorrow. Before the BBQ Laura and I went out for Margaritas and had a much needed girl catch up talk. I love talking with her, always good conversation with lots of laughs. Then we headed to Matt's beachside house for a BBQ with the usual HB crew minus principals Amy and Borna (I miss them a lot). First of all, the food was BOMB, omg. Secondly, the setting, the people, all of it was so nice. So enjoyable. Then it was off to bed for my 5am wake up call for 2nd interview... eeeeeeeek!

42. Seizing It

Day: August 24, 2011

Song: Brass Monkey, Beastie Boys

Meal: Turkey Burger with Lemony Kale Salad and Roasted Sweet Potatoes + Berry Cup Cocktail

Admission: Dear lord in heaven was today a big day or WHAT. Woke up at 5 and was on the road with the mom at 6 to head up to LA for my interview at The Sweet Shop (um hi, how perfect is that name, by the way? can't you just see the business card?) We were a little bit early so stopped for a coffee and 1 minute dance party to Brass Monkey, the song so oh so randomly playing in Surfa's. As weird as it is to say I really do think that helped calm my nerves, got rid of some of that nervous energy. Then it was time for the interview; the office was so chill, my interveiwers were the nicest people ever, but my interview itself lasted a whole 8 minutes. I was out before I was in. I left sort of bewieldered; I was almost back to my car when I saw Thomas in his pink shirt race after me asking if I wanted to meet with the Executive Producer. I did, OBV, and we had the most awesome conversation about Smuggler and we just seemed to click. I left feeling so bubbly. I'm really freaking hopeful about this, I think it might happen, but I'm trying to remain pragmatic so as to save myself crushing disappointment because THAT'S never fun. After that my mom and I went on an apartment hunt which was kind of a bust; I'm getting so fed up with this search, nothing I seem to find works, or things I find that would seem to work I can't actually get in touch with anyone to move forward with. Grrr. After that, drove home, had the best lunch of my life, had some champagne with the family to rehash the day, and got a call back from the Sweet Shop to come in FRIDAY, which will be my third time going up to LA this week aye yae yae. Ended the evening with a very distressing call from a good friend who really is having a hard time. the advice I gave to her and really tried to hear myself say so that I adopted it myself is that life really is to fragile and precious  to act like the dark times are all there is, an interminable black hole; it's simply not true and not worth it to live like that; what's the point then, you know?

I want to DO things.

41. Full

Day: August 23, 2011

Song: Sweet Louise, by Belle Brigade

Meal: Carrot and Pineapple Muffin

Admission: Today was one big flurry. Woke up, drove in hellish traffic to work, first making a quick pit stop at Pannikin for my daily, and very necessary, dose of caffeine and muffin love. Then it was off to work, which for some reason flew by. Drove down to La Jolla for my doctors appointment (those are getting pesky), stopped for an after work beer with Diondra in PB, then it was time to go home to prep prep prep for my interview tomorrow. I'm SO NERVOUS. And for some reason really, really have my hopes up, which scares the crap out of me, for lack of a better phrase. I just hope I don't let my tendency to become super shy or the unalterable fact that I look really young disguise the fact that I really feel I can do this job. 

AHHH.

Anyway, I haven't stopped today since writing this now, which feels good for the brain. Also, look how big my hair was today!

40. One Eighty

Day: August 22, 2011

Song: Rave On, by M. Ward

Meal: Muenster Cheese, straight up

Admission: Holy heavens was today a good day! Talk about a complete turn around from yesterday; yesterday, where I felt so crummy about myself and stressed about all the things and factors I seemed incapable of tackling and achieving. Today I kicked butt at job applications (even landed an interview!!!!), apartment coordinating, and friend get togethering. After my appointment with Julie this evening I met up with Noah, Gabe, Andrew, Ashley, and her friend Lindsey at 3rd Corner, my THIRD time in less than a week, woooooops. We shared wine, cheese and bread and had solid, hilarious conversation. Afterward Andrew and I went down to Moonlight Beach to walk off the residual buzz before making our drives home. It was nice to just sit and talk; having company makes me feel warm and bubbly. Until that is, your life is threatened by a flaming rocket plane being hurdled down a hillside... but I digress.

39. C'mon Now

Day: August 21, 2011

Song: White Flag, by Gorillaz

Meal: Tuna Torta Sandwich

Admission: Today I had my appointment at Park La Brea apartments. It was... disappointing to say in the least. Too flip flopping expensive. It would have been so easy to move there, that location has such positive connotations for me it just would have felt good to live there. But I guess this is forcing me to make a new home, with new memories, rather than try to relive and recapture something of the past. It's just a pain in the butt to have to try to find a place. Parents suggested recruiting the help of an agent, because after driving around the area we got overwhelmed with the sheer amount of properties that are for rent.  Ay! Exciting!

38. Life is Weird

Day: August 20, 2011

Song: Black Mirror, by Arcade Fire

Meal: Shrimp Skewer with Watermelon Basil Salad + Wine Flight

Admission: Today after work I met up with Russ. It had been been 7 months since I last saw him. It was such a bizarre mixture of weird, awkward, hilarious, nice, enjoyable, and contentedness.  I'm always struck by how relationships, and intangible connection between two people, can be warped,  torn, reconnected.

Life is weird.

37. Blessed

Day: August 19, 2011

Song: Set Yourself on Fire, by Stars

Meal: Grilled Salmon Salad with Mango Salsa + Sweet Potato Fries

Admission: Today I met up with Elie one last time before she flies off to New York City to attend Columbia grad school. It was a surreal day because we were comparing the stark contrast of where we are now to where we were when we met-- easily the darkest times in both of our lives. It brings up a lot; the struggles that we faced, that we continue to face but have learned through the hardest work we both have ever done how better to combat, the responsibility to combat, sometimes the reluctancy to combat. It also forces us to recognize the remarkable growth we've both achieved; her moving to NY, one step closer to becoming a life saving doctor, me moving to LA, one step closer to who knows what. Regardless, I know that I will have Elie in my heart and in my life forever, and for that I am eternally grateful.

36. Favoritism

Day: August 18, 2011

Song: Help Yourself, Sad Brad Smith, from Up in the Air soundtrack

Meal: Picnic/Feast: baguette and brie, chinese chicken salad, chocolate cupcakes, wine wine wine

Admission: Today was honestly one of the best days I've had in a long time, and I've been lucking out with a pretty long string of solid, good days lately. Mix of productivity, serendipity, and really wonderful company. Ended the night with a drink date with Noah and Andrew, my favorites. I got excited for life today, and it felt almost electric. I haven't felt that way since last summer. It was a serious dose of invigoration for me, which I hadn't realized how much I needed until it came. I may or may not have held a spontaneous, solo dance party in my living room.

35. Ew, Gross

Day: August 17, 2011

Song: Beyond the Sea, by Bobby Darin

Meal: Lemon Cupcake

Admission: The moral of today's story is that getting a ticket absolutely sucks. Not only am I now down 210+ dollars, but I have to spend an inordinately painful amount of time taking traffic school online. I haven't been in school mode since last December, although I'm pretty sure the material itself would make anyones brain feel like absolute mush. I just want to whine and not. do. it.  In other news, I wore my mom's rad turquoise sweater and matching earrings from the 80s. Today was plain. Tomorrow will be great. 

34. Under the Tuscan (?) Sun

Day: August 16, 2011

Song: Inside and Out, by Feist

Meal: Baked Penne, Caeser Salad, Garlic Bread + Wine

Admission: Today was mellowyellow. Woke up, had breakfast and coffee with the family, went to a class on base, came home, baked brownies, watched some SFU, and went over to Kari's house for a little NCL reunion with her mom, my mom, and Kendra and her mom. Their house is truly stunning, really what makes Fallbrook worthwhile in a nutshell. I felt like I was in Italy. Super relaxing to just sit, talk, eat, drink-- simple pleasures that make you unable to deny how lucky you truly are.

33. L-O-V-E

Day: August 15, 2011

Song: Back to You, Shania Twain

Meal: Grilled chicken salad with black beans

Admission: Today was the most fun I've had in a really, really long time. It was my first wedding party event, Kendra's engagement party, up in Newport. It was so wonderful to meet everyone and just feel the joy that each and every person felt. After dinner we just went little kid on everyone--got lollipops and played tag on the beach, danced the night away, and got soft serve ice cream cones on the drive home. Kendra is one of the most beautiful people I know, inside and out, and I am overwhelmed with happiness for her.

32. So Fresh

Day: August 14, 2011

Song: 127 Hours Soundtrack

Meal: Sausage, Bacon, and Omelette at Brunch Buffet

Admission: Spent the day down in PB with Diondra. Had brunch, spent money we don't have at a few thrift stores, baked a key lime pie, and ended up crashing watching 127 Hours which, by the way, was incredibly striking. Humans are just incredible if they want to be. Sort of a slap to the face for my wallowing in feelings of inadequacy. 

31. Makes You Wonder

Day: August 13, 2011

Song: Fist City, by Best Coast

Meal: Fancy Ahi Tuna Roll

Admission: Went up to Huntington Beach today to catch up with the crew; had a bizarre experience overhearing something someone said when they thought I was asleep... just makes me wonder why people REALLY say what they do. Do they mean it or do they not? Why sometimes and other times not? What's the underlying motivation? Ended up driving at 3am back down to San Diego, crashed at D's house. 

30. In a Fog

Day: August 12, 2011

Song: Hometown, by Adele

Meal: Cheese plate + Glass of Pinot Blanc

Admission: 7 hour train ride home, work, wine date with Noah, bed.

29. Vino Vino

Day: August 11, 2011

Song: Bella, by Angus and Julia Stone

Meal: Homemade Carrot and Ginger Soup

Admission: Coffee and scones, hike, soup, froyo, outdoor shower, wine tasting, farmers market, homemade salad, bed. Bliss.

28. Off I Go

Day: August 10, 2011

Song: Norway, Beach House

Meal: Green Acai Bowl

Admission: Oceanside-->Santa Barbara-->SLO

27. Old School

Day: August 9, 2011

Song: Diving For Hearts, by Corinne Bailey Rae

Meal: Black Bean Soup

Admission: I'm in the market for new frames. Thinking about using my Dad's from when he was a teenager. What do you think? 

26. Extraordinary!

Day: August 8, 2011

Song: Slow Down, by Chiddy Bang

Meal: Farfalle pasta with fresh asparagus, mushrooms, and a roasted garlic cream sauce (+Prosecco, duh)

Admission: After these last fews days its becoming apparent how truly lovely my life is, and how I need to recognize and celebrate the joyousness it brings. After a solid 13 hour sleep (WOOPS), I headed to Pannikin before work in Encinitas for some muffins, oj, and coffee. Then it was Urban until 2. Then I drove down to Hillcrest to pick up a piece of Dulce de Leche cake from the truly extraordinary Extraordinary Desserts for JTrim, who I was seeing at 5. She just had a baby! (Jacob Hudson... I melt) So  I felt she needed a bit of yummy congratulations. After my meeting with her I had a dinner date with the mom since dad is out of town-- wine, breadsticks, pasta, so so delicious and really nice. My mom is one of my best friends and its apparent during moments like these. Now its back home, Perrier and posting time :)

25. Trumpet Call

Day: August 7, 2011

Song: Unforgettable, by Nat King Cole

Meal: Acai Bowl

Admission: I have been looking forward to today for AWHILE! Diondra and I woke up pretty early and went to our usual spot for breakfast, Zanzibar, in PB. I got my absolute favorite, Acai Bowl. Then it was back to her house to get all dressed up for... THE RACES! I had gotten a Groupon awhile back but it's been hard finding a day neither of us had work. We took some champagne to her parents house since they live right next to the track, had a few fun glasses with fresh strawberries, and then it was time to go. Suffice it to say we had little to no idea what we were doing, besides rocking our hats and heels (pretty disappointed in the dressed-up turn out, San Diego!) I got up the courage to ask some seasoned-looking betters to get the low down. We ended up betting on Race 6, she #8, Bluegrass Story, and me, #4, Light of Life. LOVED the names. They lost. It was ok. We didn't. Passed out at 6pm, hence why this entry is coming this morning.... thanks champagne. 

24. Reunited, Feels So good

Day: August 5th, 2011

Song: Comin' Home, by Mel Torme

Meal: Lemon Drop Sushi Roll + Sparkling  Sake mmmmmmmm

Admission: Today was really nice! Woke up, went on a walk to coffee at Primo with the mom, went to work all day, then drove down to PB to hang out with the best, Diondra Doerr. Sushi, dancing, and lots and lots of laughing.

23. Ahoy, There!

Day: August 5, 2011

Song: Shots, LMFAO

Meal: Oatmeal with frozen strawberries

Admission: Today was splendid. Spent the first half being very productive (house searching, job searching,  blog posting, etc); then it was off to Urban. I had to close tonight but I actually feel like I'm getting a hold of efficiency there; for so long I felt like I really was bad at my job. Once we finally finished (there were only three of us!) I sped over to Marleen's who was having a Gilligan's Island theme party. So random but really rather nice. Made my day to see Noah and Andrew and Marleen. Luckily Andrew was able to snap this before I had to drive home. Et voila, the picture of the day. Noah's face makes it.

22. Yummy Scrumboes

Day: August 4, 2011

Song: My Winding Wheel, by Ryan Adams

Meal: Tiramisu Cupcakes (for lunch, mind you)

Admission: My admission today is that my admissions have gotten lame, and if I'm being completely honest,  I'm wondering if they should be omitted altogether, unless I truly have something important to say. Or maybe just mention one thing. Or maybe just do whatever I feel like. Hmpf. Anyway. Today I made the best cupcakes ever. Tiramisu. Holy heavens delicious. It made me happy and thats what I want to strive for every day--at least one thing to make me happy.

21. Recovery

Day: August 3, 2011

Song: Pictures of Success, by Rilo Kiley

Meal: Black Bean Burrito + Homemade Salsa

Admission: So by drank and watched stars, I may have meant drank rather heavily and watched stars. Today was spent in a fog. Needless to say, I was happy wine tasting with Kendra and Kari was rescheduled. Mom treated herself and I to a massage and frozen yogurt. The rest of the day was spent like this:

20. Sometimes I wonder

Day: August 2, 2011

Song: Tropicalia, by Beck

Meal: Scorched to black Amy's pizza. Bless your heart, Mom.

Admission: Sometimes I wonder what color my eyes are. They turn super duper green when I cry. I feel like there's got to be some hidden significance in that. I spent the night at Kellys, her brother and his friend are home from the Naval Academy. We drank and laid and watched shooting stars in her driveway for hours. I feel so small but still wonder what color my eyes are. 

19. Things I Like

Day: August 1, 2011

Song: Used to Wait, by Arcade Fire

Meal: Frozen Strawberries + Vanilla Soy Milk

Admission: I like my gem ring. I like Perrier at night before bed. I like when the moon is barely a sliver (it used to scare me, I thought it was the cheshire cat). I like my morning routine of cereal and nytimes. I like drooling over wedding photography. I like butterflies from talking to nice boys. I like my vintage travel calendar. I like pancakes. I like making lists of things I like, noting self to do it more often.

18. Au Natural

Day: July 31, 2011

Song: Train Song, by Ben Gibbard and Feist

Meal: SmartOnes Mac n Cheese

Admission: Sometimes I like to walk outside barefoot. Not that weird, but still worth mentioning. Also, are my legs getting color from all this tennis I've been playing?